Courage in the Face of Testosterone

Grace, my 15 year old daughter, was caught in a very uncomfortable situation. Every day it was the same. She was trapped in a room where sexual banter from teenaged boys was inescapable. Should we call the principal, call the boys' parents, talk to the boys ourselves? These were classmates she wanted to stay in relationship with, acquaintances she did not want to offend. Because this was a problem she was going to have to face the rest of her life, we offered guidance and stood back. Soon after, Grace found the courage and opportunity to speak up. Her humorous yet direct approach had the desired effect and the banter subsided. Clearly it had never crossed their testosterone laden minds to put a filter in place. More importantly, they valued Grace enough to bend to her preferences. A relationship with her mattered.

Molly, my 13 year old daughter was caught in a very uncomfortable situation. A special needs man in his late 50's enjoyed an occasional chat with her at church. "Those girls over there are talking about R rated movies," he stated frankly one evening pointing to a group of gangly teens. "I don't like R rated movies because people get in bed together naked." Molly was dumb-founded and left feeling helpless. Should we call the preacher, call the man's group home director, talk to him ourselves? This is a brother in Christ we want to stay in relationship with and show respect to no matter his label. More importantly, we knew this was a situation Molly was going to be facing the rest of her life. Her brother shows no signs of developing the sophisticated filter he will need as an adult and most likely he will have friends and acquaintances that will be facing similar social hurdles. So, we coached Molly for the inevitable "next time". She is rehearsing phrases like "You should not talk about that with me. It makes me uncomfortable," and other direct approaches. Clearly this gentleman has limited filtering in place but a relationship with him matters. Relationships are what he desperately wants and too often he is written off as creepy and avoided in his own church home.

Perhaps we could come to the rescue and remove some of these harassing obstacles before our girls. We choose rather to let them discover that life as a follower of Christ requires not only love, but a great deal of courage.

II Tim. 1:6-7 For this reason I remind you to kindle afresh the gift of God which is in you .... For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.