I don't cry easily but I did so publicly last Saturday - standing in my son's school parking lot surrounded by fellow parents. The tears leaking from the corners of my eyes were from sad desperation but I'm sure those around me thought it was the cold November wind. I was totally helpless. Helpless to do anything about the situation I was stuck in, and helpless to make anyone around me understand. I was attending a school sponsored fall festival (who came up with these events?) which included a skit my youngest was to perform in. Call time was 10:45 so we showed up precisely at 10:45. I brought along all three of Christopher's siblings thinking we'd be out of there by 11:15 tops. Within the first 10 minutes of arriving in the parking lot, the crowds, giant loud speakers blaring out rock music, and a general sense of chaos sent my oldest son into a full autistic melt down. Willson covered his ears and screamed, "NO!" over and over again and I knew the only thing to do was to get him back to the car as quickly as possible. Both sisters remained there with him to calm and comfort. Christopher was down to an audience of one. As the wait continued I decided to make an appeal to the folks in charge. Perhaps they would push Christopher's skit up to top of the docket. But instead of understanding and flexibility, I got blank stares and amazement that I would want to upset the schedule of so many performers for the needs of one sibling. I returned obediently subdued to my place of waiting, 3 kids out of my sight and care. I determined to remain faithful for once to the youngest who always got the short end of the stick, the one who never had his whole family show up. Christopher finally performed at 12:15. He did beautifully. I managed to video tape it for the remainder of the family but I hate fall festivals, now more than ever.
My husband and I are now a part of a grand experiment. We are limping along trying to create and discover what a fully inclusive church might look like. I know again with deeper passion than ever before what we are aiming for - a community in which we, and parents like us, don't have to beg and explain.
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